Key Takeaways
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- Witnessing cardiac arrest, especially in a child, leaves lasting emotional scars and can deeply shape the perspective of those involved.
- Grief is personal and can strain family relationships, particularly when parents grieve differently. This adds challenges for surviving siblings. Parents must prioritize their children’s emotional needs, set aside conflicts, and provide a stable, supportive home
- Feelings of guilt and self-criticism are common among family members after a cardiac arrest, but it is crucial to focus on the actions taken rather than the outcome.
- Tunnel vision, freezing, second-guessing actions, and distorted perceptions of time are common physiological responses to high-stress events like cardiac arrest.
- Genuine and meaningful support, such as counseling or compassionate friends, can significantly help surviving children cope with loss. A counselor who connects well with the child is especially impactful.
How can I cope with witnessing my child’s cardiac arrest?
Witnessing a child’s cardiac arrest is an emotionally devastating and life-altering experience. For families, it brings an overwhelming mix of grief, guilt, and unanswered questions. This narrative explores the profound impact such events have on family members, sharing insights from our family’s journey through loss. By reflecting on these experiences, we aim to shed light on the emotional realities of pediatric cardiac arrest and provide understanding and support for others navigating similar challenges.
Parent Insight: Recently, I had a long-overdue conversation with my youngest son, about the night his older brother died of cardiac arrest more than a decade ago. We had mostly avoided discussing the details of that traumatic evening all this time. That night was weighed down by grief, anger, guilt, and chaos. My husband and I processed our loss very differently, which strained our family dynamics. I also carry immense shame for the argument about math that I had with my son before he left the house that tragic evening.
When I asked him how he remembered that night, he described it as “the worst thing ever.” Then he looked down and softly added, “It totally sucked.” At first, he said he wished he had not been there. But then he paused and shared that, despite the pain, he’s now grateful he was present during those final moments. Witnessing the medical team’s tireless efforts to save his brother left a deep impression on him. He admired their dedication and expressed lifelong respect for the police, firefighters, and emergency medical services team who worked so hard that night. As hard as it was to watch, he felt it gave him a sense of truly being there for his brother in his last moments.
My son also reflected on the challenges he faced afterward. In the months and years following my son’s death, he felt immense pressure to live up to his brother’s legacy. He felt that people treated him differently. He appreciated those who were honest and sincere, but he resented being labeled as “the kid whose brother died.”
The most meaningful support for him came from a school counselor who he felt “truly understood” what he was going through and with friends who provided a sense of normalcy. He emphasized the importance of kids having someone they trust to talk to, especially a counselor who can genuinely connect with them.
The hardest part for him was not just losing his brother—it was navigating that loss in a home filled with conflict. The strain on my marriage added another layer of difficulty, and he felt the weight of living in a toxic environment. He stressed how crucial it is for parents to set aside their differences and prioritize their surviving children’s emotional needs during such a time.
Despite the trauma of witnessing my son’s failed resuscitation, he was glad he was in the emergency room that night. He said being there during my son’s CPR made him appreciate life, strength, the deep love of a brother, and the humanity of those who tried to help.
After our discussion, I reflected on how being present at such a stressful time leaves us with so many questions and feelings of being unable to process everything that is happening. Let’s get some answers and understanding of some of those feelings and thoughts you may have experienced in the first few moments of witnessing it.
Why didn’t I notice or hear anything around me?
During the high-stress event of witnessing a child in cardiac arrest, your brain prioritizes survival, narrowing its focus. This phenomenon, called tunnel vision, can limit your awareness of your surroundings. You might only recall specific actions—calling 911, watching or attempting CPR—while everything else feels like a blur. Tunnel vision is accompanied by selective hearing, blurry vision, or even temporary sensory distortions. These physiological responses to adrenaline and stress are entirely normal.
Why did I freeze while others acted? Or why did others freeze while I acted?
The brain’s reaction to witnessing a traumatic event, such as a child collapsing, varies greatly among individuals. Some people instinctively respond by calling for help or starting CPR, while others may freeze, unable to act immediately. Freezing is a natural response caused by the brain trying to process an overwhelming situation.
Often, frozen bystanders become active once they receive clear instructions or see others intervening. This shift occurs because having others involved can create a sense of safety and direction. Remember, freezing does not reflect failure—it is a human reaction to extreme stress.
Why didn’t they survive? Was it my fault?
After witnessing a child’s cardiac arrest, feelings of guilt are common, but it is critical to understand that outcomes are rarely determined by just the actions of family members or bystanders. Pediatric cardiac arrest may stem from underlying medical conditions, congenital abnormalities, or events that no one could have anticipated or prevented.
If you acted—by calling 911, starting CPR, or asking for help—you gave the child the best possible chance for survival. It is important to focus on what you did rather than what you wish you could have done. Survival often depends on factors outside your control, and success should be measured by the effort to give the child a second chance and the love that surrounds that child.
Why did I second-guess myself or my actions?
The shock and urgency of cardiac arrest can overwhelm anyone, even those trained in CPR or first aid. Second-guessing your actions in such a crisis is a natural reaction to stress and uncertainty. Reflecting on what you could have done differently does not mean you failed—it is a normal part of processing the event. Even experienced healthcare providers often have these thoughts and feelings.
Instead of questioning your instincts or actions, remind yourself that you acted in a challenging, emotional, and chaotic situation.
Why did bystanders watch? Why did they take videos? Why did they not do what I expected?
In public settings, people may appear to “stand and watch” or record the event on their phones. While this can seem callous, it often stems from shock or disbelief. Recording may create a sense of detachment, helping bystanders cope with the reality of what they are witnessing. It also helps to provide a record that can assist with reviewing events, determining timelines, and finding ways to improve first-response systems.
It is also important to note that people may not intervene because they do not know how to help or are afraid of doing the wrong thing. Educating communities on pediatric CPR and AED use can empower more people to act in the future.
Why did the time go so fast, yet not fast enough?
During cardiac arrest, your perception of time can become distorted. Stress and adrenaline heighten focus on immediate actions, making seconds feel like minutes or vice versa. This can result in fragmented memories of the event or difficulty recalling its exact sequence.
This experience of time distortion is typical during traumatic events and does not mean you did not act appropriately.
Why was I sore and tired the next day?
If you performed chest compressions or assisted in moving the child, your body likely experienced significant physical exertion. The hormone adrenaline increases muscle strength and endurance during emergencies, masking pain temporarily. Once the adrenaline wears off, you may notice soreness in your back, shoulders, wrists, or other areas.
This is a normal physiological response, much like post-exercise soreness. It is a reminder of the incredible effort you made in trying to save a life.
What were the paramedics doing, and why?
When paramedics arrive at a cardiac arrest, their actions are focused on restoring the child’s circulation and breathing. Here is an overview of what you might have seen:
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- CPR and ventilation: High-quality compressions and oxygen delivery to maintain blood flow and oxygenation.
- Defibrillation: Use of an AED or cardiac monitor to analyze heart rhythms and deliver shocks if needed.
- Airway/breathing management: They may use advanced devices to secure the airway and ensure effective ventilation.
- Medications and IV/IO access: Administering drugs like epinephrine to support the heart and establish access to fluids or medications.
- Transport to the hospital: After stabilizing the child as much as possible, paramedics transport them for advanced care.
In some cases, despite everyone’s best efforts, the outcome may not change and the child will not be resuscitated. Their work is a testament to their commitment to giving every child the best possible chance of survival.
Final thoughts
Witnessing pediatric cardiac arrest is a profoundly traumatic experience. Feelings of confusion, guilt, and physical exhaustion are normal, but it is important to acknowledge the efforts made to help or the honor of being there for that person or child as they died. By being present, calling 911, performing CPR, or seeking help, you gave a child a fighting chance and were there for them in the best way possible.
It is also important to remember that you are not alone—many families experience similar emotions after such events. If these feelings persist, consider reaching out to support groups or counselors experienced grief and trauma. Your actions mattered, even if the outcome was not what you hoped for.
Sources
Compton, S., Grace, H., Madgy, A., & Swor, R. A. (2009). Post-traumatic stress disorder symptomology associated with witnessing unsuccessful out-of-hospital cardiopulmonary resuscitation. Academic Emergency Medicine, 16(3), 226–229. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1553-2712.2008.00336.x
Skora, J., & Riegel, B. (2001). Thoughts, feelings, and motivations of bystanders who attempt to resuscitate a stranger: a pilot study. American Journal of Critical Care, 10(6), 408–416.
Thank you to our contributors
Kim Ruether & Paul Snobelen
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