Key Takeaways

    • Many children want to talk and share their perspectives about what happened and ask questions. 
    • When speaking to children, some general guidance includes: being honest, listening more than you speak, acknowledging their emotions, providing reassurance and security, and offering ongoing support. 
    • There are many resources available to help children understand and cope with the effects of a child’s cardiac arrest.
How do I explain cardiac arrest and the meaning of loss to a child?

Speaking to children about difficult topics can be hard because we don’t want to cause further harm. It is also something that has been debated endlessly. I am not an expert. However, I have been blessed with the gift of being a concerned mother, an educator, an awesome auntie (self-proclaimed), and someone who has worked as an X-ray technologist for almost 40 years.

What makes someone an expert? After dealing with profound and difficult life experiences, I sometimes question if there is such a thing. Are we ever ‘experts’ at anything? Just when I think I am an expert at something- I learn that there is so much to learn. We just need to try our best to provide love and support and bring appropriate words and actions into play in very difficult times.

When my son suddenly died in his school of cardiac arrest, there were so many kids impacted. I felt like I was floundering, trying to figure out how best to speak to my other children, his young cousins, his friends, and the children that he had babysat or tutored. As a casual employee at his small rural school, I was gifted with many opportunities to listen to his friends and students at every grade level. They shared with me their grief, their questions and feelings, and how his death had impacted them. This provided a wonderful opportunity to see that every child requires support in individual and personal ways. There is no cookie-cutter approach. But there are ways of gently navigating this space, and people well-trained to provide different levels of support.

One thing I learned is that kids want to talk. They want to share their perspective about what happened, ask questions, discuss the impact of what happened on their life, and not be ‘treated like a baby’. Children and teens are extraordinarily perceptive. They know much more about what is going on than we sometimes suspect, and they are keen to gain a deeper understanding of events that shape their lives in sad or serious ways.

Here are five important things to remember when speaking to children about emergencies, tragedies, and death:

Honesty is Essential: Even young children can sense when something is being hidden from them. Providing honest, age-appropriate information helps them trust you and the process of grief. Use clear language and be open to answering their questions. Sometimes they have so many!

Listen More Than You Speak: Children often need to express their feelings and thoughts more than they need explanations. I was surprised by how thoughtful and insightful these children were. Listening to them without interrupting allows them to process their emotions. Their questions might be unexpected, but each one is an opportunity to understand what they need most.

Acknowledge Their Emotions: Let children know that their feelings are valid, whether they are sad, angry, scared, or confused. Emotions can be all over the map- for a very long time. Reassure them that it’s okay to feel however they are feeling and that they are not alone in their emotions.

Provide Reassurance and Security: In times of tragedy or health emergencies, children need to know that they are safe. Reinforce the idea that they are loved and protected, and explain what measures are in place to keep them safe moving forward. This is extremely important in families where ongoing testing and procedures may be happening.

Offer Ongoing Support: Grief does not have a timeline, and children may need to revisit the conversation multiple times as their understanding deepens, or events unfold. Be available to answer questions, continue discussions, and provide support as needed, over weeks, months, or even years later.

It is important to tailor your approach to each child’s needs and be present and open as they navigate their own understanding of uncertainty, loss, and grief. If you require assistance or more information, here is a list of additional resources for families needing help speaking to children about cardiac arrest emergencies:

  1. The Compassionate Friends
      • A national organization that offers support for families who have lost a child. They provide grief support resources and have a section specifically focused on helping children cope with the death of a sibling.
      • Visit The Compassionate Friends
  2. KidsHealth from Nemours
      • This site has a section dedicated to helping kids understand serious health conditions and death. It offers articles and videos that can help parents talk to their children about difficult topics.
      • Visit KidsHealth
  3. National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN)
      • NCTSN provides resources to help parents and caregivers talk to children about trauma and grief. They offer age-appropriate guides and tools to support children who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event.
      • Visit NCTSN
  4. Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada
      • The Heart and Stroke Foundation provides comprehensive information on CA, including prevention strategies, treatment options, and recovery processes. They also offer resources to help families cope with the emotional and psychological effects of CA.
      • Visit the Heart and Stroke Foundation
  5. Canadian Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndromes (SADS) Foundation
      • This foundation offers resources and support for families affected by sudden arrhythmia death syndromes, which can cause CA. They provide educational materials and family support programs, and they connect families with medical experts to help them understand and manage these conditions.
      • Visit the Canadian SADS Foundation
  6. The Canadian Pediatric Cardiology Association (CPCA)
      • The CPCA provides resources for families with children who have heart conditions. They offer guidance on understanding pediatric cardiac issues and support for coping with sudden cardiac events, including CA.
      • Visit the CPCA
  7. Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA)
      • The CMHA offers mental health resources, including support for dealing with grief and loss. They provide tools and services to help children and families process the trauma and emotional distress that can follow an event like CA.
      • Visit the CMHA
  8. Kids Help Phone
      • Available 24/7, Kids Help Phone offers counseling and support for children and teens across Canada. They provide a safe space for young people to talk about their feelings and receive guidance on how to cope with difficult experiences, including the impact of CA.
      • Visit Kids Help Phone or call 1-800-668-6868
  9. Bereaved Families of Ontario
      • This organization offers peer support groups, resources, and programs specifically designed for families who have lost a loved one. They provide guidance on how to support children through their grief and help them navigate their emotions.
      • Visit Bereaved Families of Ontario

These resources can be invaluable for North American families needing support as they help their children understand and cope with the realities of Cardiac Arrest. If you need further assistance or personalized guidance, don’t hesitate to reach out to your local organizations directly.

 

Thank you to our contributors

Kim Ruether

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