Key Takeaways
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- Even after a few months as a parent co-survivor, it can be overwhelming and maybe it is time to switch the focus and prioritize yourself.
- You cannot pour from an empty cup, so taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your child.
- Self-care can help you manage stress, lower your own risk of illness, and increase your energy. Small actions of self-care like journaling and a gratitude list can make a difference to your overall well-being.
- Use your support, tell your loved ones about what you’re doing for self-care, and celebrate it, because self-care is hard to fit in.
- Be kind to yourself, and set boundaries when necessary so that you can manage your self-care.
Parents, don’t burn out!
Burnout is physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion to the point of destruction. When you are burned out you risk hurting yourself and you are not able to be the best parent or caregiver to your child or complete whatever else you need to do.
What does self-care mean?
Being a parent is hard enough, day-to-day we have enough reasons for stress, anxiety, and uncertainty. Adding your child’s cardiac arrest and hospitalization can throw you into even more unknown depths, where you are not only in shock but also trying to process what happened. This may take a huge toll on your mental health and cause you to feel exhausted all the time. According to the National Institutes of Health, self-care can help you manage stress, lower your own risk of heart issues, and increase your energy to manage these additional responsibilities. When illness comes to a loved one, it is difficult to create the time and space to care for yourself. However, it is so important to do that, or else you, in turn, may get ill.
Self-care is essential for maintaining your well-being as a co-survivor. Self-care is not being selfish. Self-care means creating time and space to take care of yourself and focus on your needs and interests. This could include treating yourself to a massage, taking a yoga class, or simply enjoying a cup of tea and a good book. You cannot give to others if you do not give to yourself. As parent co-survivors you might hear, “Make sure to take care of yourself,” but how do you actually do that? Stress reduction is key for longevity and your continued holistic health and well-being as a parent co-survivor.
How do I avoid burnout and prioritize self-care?
Embarking on the journey of supporting a child cardiac arrest survivor can be challenging and, at times, overwhelming. However, you do not have to face it alone. We have compiled a list of practical strategies and insights from an experienced co-survivor and parent. This list aims to help you maintain your well-being and prevent burnout after the additional caregiving responsibilities that cardiac arrest has caused. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup, so take care of yourself once the acute phase of the “fight or flight” response seems to be over. Focusing on you at this time is just as important as taking care of your child.
Practice mindfulness
Check in with your body. If you can, get out of your chair and stand up. Move your body. Taking a few moments each day to focus on your breath and be present in the moment can help you stay grounded and reduce stress. There are many ways to practice mindfulness, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or just sitting quietly and observing your thoughts. Find a technique that works for you, and make it a daily habit.
Develop healthy coping strategies
Identify healthy coping mechanisms that can help you manage stress and avoid burnout. Examples include journaling, talking to a friend or therapist, exercising, or engaging in a creative outlet like painting or knitting. Make a list of your favorite coping strategies and keep it handy for when you need a pick-me-up.
Journaling can be extremely helpful. Write down everything you are feeling – even if it’s all bad. This will get it out of your head and onto paper. It can just be a stream-of-consciousness account of what you are thinking of at the moment. Research has shown that journaling or written exposure therapy can improve anxiety and posttraumatic stress symptoms among war veterans, and what you’ve been through is like going to war.
Plan mini vacations
You deserve a break! Plan regular mini vacations or weekend getaways to recharge your batteries. It does not have to be extravagant; even a short trip to a nearby town or a staycation at a local hotel can provide a much-needed change of scenery. If taking time away is not an option, try setting aside a few hours for a relaxing activity like a spa day or a leisurely walk in the park.
Maintain participation in activities you enjoy
Do not give up the activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Whether it is a hobby, social group, or volunteer work, staying engaged in activities you enjoy can help prevent burnout and keep you feeling connected to your own life. If you are having trouble finding time for these activities, consider asking a friend or family member to step in and help with caregiving duties so you can have some time for yourself.
Ask for and accept help
It is okay to ask for help even at this stage – it is crucial for avoiding burnout. Reach out to friends, family, and community resources to share the caregiving load. You might be surprised at how many people are willing to lend a hand. Remember, it is not a sign of weakness to accept help; it is a sign of strength and wisdom.
Plan routine physical activity and avoid a sedentary life
Exercise is a fantastic stress reliever and can help boost your mood and energy levels. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise most days of the week. Choose activities you enjoy, like walking, swimming, or dancing, so you will be more likely to stick with them. If you are short on time, try breaking your exercise sessions into shorter 10-minute bursts throughout the day.
Stay connected with friends
Do not let your caregiving duties completely consume your social life. Stay in touch with friends and make an effort to meet up regularly, even if it is just for a quick coffee catchup. Friends can provide a valuable support system and help you feel less isolated in your caregiving role. Be transparent about what you are going through and whether you want to talk about it with your friends.
Set realistic goals and boundaries
It is important to set realistic goals for yourself and your caregiving duties. You cannot do everything, and that is okay. Learn to prioritize tasks, delegate when possible, and set boundaries to protect your well-being. Remember, you are a co-survivor and a parent, not a superhero, so be gentle with yourself and recognize your limits.
If there are people, places, or things that prevent your ability to take care of yourself, then set boundaries. Boundaries help us take care of ourselves. Read here about setting healthy boundaries from Positive Psychology.
Stay informed and educated
Empower yourself with knowledge about your child’s condition and the resources available to help you in your caregiving journey. The more you know, the better prepared you will be to make informed decisions and advocate for your child. Join support groups, attend workshops, and stay up-to-date with the latest research and developments in cardiac care.
Celebrate small victories
Caring for a cardiac arrest survivor can be a long and challenging journey, but it is important to acknowledge and celebrate the small victories along the way. Whether it is a successful doctor’s appointment, a positive change in your child’s health, or even just managing to get through a particularly tough day, take a moment to recognize and appreciate your accomplishments.
Practice gratitude
Focusing on the positive aspects of your life can help improve your mental well-being and reduce stress. Make a habit of writing down or reflecting on at least three things you are grateful for each day. This simple practice can help shift your mindset and remind you of the good things in life, even when times are tough.
Prioritize sleep and healthy eating
Taking care of yourself means getting enough sleep and eating a balanced diet. In our experience, sleep habits – both in terms of the number of hours slept and quality – are affected for parents who have millions of thoughts and things to do when they lie down after a long day, and this is worse for parent co-survivors. Sleep has recently been added by the American Heart Association as an additional health behavior that could affect heart and brain health. Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep per night, and make an effort to eat nutritious meals that include plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean protein, and healthy fats. You must pay attention to your sleep hygiene and create a routine. Talk to your primary care doctors, and they can suggest some over-the-counter medications if online sleep applications or a basic sleep routine are not helping you get a good night’s sleep.
Proper sleep and nutrition are essential for maintaining your physical and mental health as a parent co-survivor. Keep up with personal hygiene. Say no to illicit substances, smoking, and excessive alcohol intake. These are all basics of caring for yourself so you can navigate a very challenging situation.
Parent insight: “When I stay up too late or neglect to eat or go for walks, I am much more tired and frustrated. If I want to be my best to care for my child, I need to be deliberate about my self-care. It is like a basic recipe. The correct steps and ingredients for me to be a good caregiver [require] me to get the basic ingredients that make me well. And for me, it’s three square meals, at least seven hours of sleep, and going for my walks. And at least one weekend a month to visit my friends and extended family. That’s my personal recipe.”
Find support from other co-survivors
Connecting with other parent co-survivors can provide a sense of camaraderie and support. Join a local or online support group, attend workshops or conferences, or simply reach out to other co-survivors you know. Sharing your experiences, challenges, and successes with others who understand can help you feel less isolated and provide valuable insight and encouragement. There is a peer support group on Facebook that we recommend if you are looking to join one.
Remember, taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your child. By incorporating these strategies and tips into your daily routine, you can avoid burnout and continue to provide the best possible care for your child who experienced cardiac arrest. You are doing an amazing job – do not forget to give yourself the care and compassion you deserve!
The impact of low self-care and the power of change
Research shows that neglecting self-care can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and reduced quality of life for co-survivors (Dionne-Odom et al., 2017). By prioritizing self-care, you can improve your well-being and become an even more capable co-survivor for your child who survived cardiac arrest. Remember, change starts with you!
As a co-survivor of a child cardiac arrest survivor, you have the strength and resilience to prioritize self-care and healthy living during this challenging time. By focusing on your physical, mental, and emotional well-being, you can make a significant difference in your life and the life of your child. You are an inspiration, and you have the power to make a positive impact. You have got this!
Be kind to yourself
Stop feeling guilty. You are doing the absolute best that you can. You are a great parent to your child. Say “No, not right now” to things that you cannot manage at the moment. If you want or need to cry, then cry.
Leaving the hospital
People often underestimate how stressful a hospital environment can be. Listening to monitors and machines supporting your child can create a lot of discomfort. Seeing your child in an ill state can cause discomfort. Make sure you are spending time outside your child’s hospital room, if you do not want your child to be alone ask another loved one to take your place. And when you leave the hospital, truly leave the hospital. Unplug from your phone, and avoid spending this little time you have away from the hospital making phone calls to share your child’s condition with extended families or endlessly researching it. There are online applications to help you unplug. Take a moment to seek out something that you need to do for yourself or that you truly enjoy.
Change how you work
Not everyone can stop working or take time away. But if you can, explore taking a leave of absence under the Family and Medical Leave Act or request a formalized flexible work arrangement.
Therapy
Talk therapy with a counselor or psychologist can be a great help in these situations. You can often talk to therapists and have sessions over the phone (even from the hospital!). If you do not have a therapist you see regularly, there are some online counseling choices. New York City has a program called NYC WELL that offers free confidential counseling and mental health support. Additionally, some employers provide talk therapy for their employees through an Employee Assistance Program. Even if it is just short-term therapy, it can be a space to talk, cry, and get your feelings out.
Make a package for any future hospitalizations
In some cases, severe medical sickness was responsible for the cardiac arrest in your child. In that case, rehospitalizations could occur and we suggest you prepare yourself to avoid last-minute panic and chaos. Here’s a checklist of things to pack for the hospital:
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- Your ID like driver’s license
- Any important insurance or other medical information about your child that may be helpful to clinicians (list of patient’s current medications and dosage, other medical history, etc.)
- Loose change for vending machines and a credit/debit card
- Your phone and chargers (cables and/or battery pack charger, earphones, headset)
- Sweater or sweatshirt, as hospitals can be chilly
- Notebook to take notes when doctors make rounds or for your journaling
- Reading material or spiritual resources (special prayers, rosary, etc.) that may bring you comfort
- Personal care items for yourself (toothbrush, toothpaste, contact lens solutions, glasses, slipper socks, medications, comb or brush, makeup, hand towel or towelettes to freshen up, sleep mask if you need to nap in a waiting area, etc.)
- Change of clothes in case you stay overnight (if allowed)
- Personal items for your child (eyeglasses, more comfortable clothes if they are allowed to change)
- Familiar items for your child that could bring them comfort (e.g., a beloved stuffed animal, a blanket or quilt that they love, photos of family members)
- Items for entertainment (e.g., their phone if they have one, a way to play games, headphones, charger, a device on which to watch shows or movies)
Sources
American Heart Association. (2024). Life’s Essential 8™ – How to get healthy sleep fact sheet. Retrieved December 20, 2024, from https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/healthy-lifestyle/lifes-essential-8/how-to-get-healthy-sleep-fact-sheet
Dionne-Odom, J.N., Demark-Wahnefried, W., Taylor, R.A., Rocque, G.B., Azuero, A., Acemgil, A., Martin, M.Y., Astin, M., Ejem, D., Kvale, E., Heaton, K., Pisu, M., Partridge, E.E., & Bakitas, M.A. (2017). The self-care practices of family caregivers of persons with poor prognosis cancer: Differences by varying levels of caregiver well-being and preparedness. Support Care Cancer 25, 2437–2444. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00520-017-3650-7
National Institute of Mental Health. (2024, December). Caring for your mental health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/caring-for-your-mental-health
Thank you to our contributors
Alessandra Dinin, Jennifer Chap, & Matthew Douma
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